Je Ne Sais Pas...

I don't know? Requiem for my dream. That's as honest as I can be. I don't know. I would be remissed if I did not tell you what I don't know. Women. I have no idea how to respond to you. Not in the sense that I don't know how to speak to you, but once it's reached that awkward "in between" where we're not really friends but we're not dating phase. And then, as many things tend to do, when everything collapses on itself and then I'm left with nothing. Something happened earlier that annoyed the heck out of me, but it's my own fault because, again, I don't know how to respond to you. The dominance and independence in me says that I should let it go, but the romantic side of me says that I've experienced, yet again, a love lost. What I'm not saying is that I was in love, but I was susceptible to it. I hate that feeling (actually, I try my best to steer clear of it) because it leaves me, more often than not, staring up at the ceiling at 3a.m. wondering why I put myself into the predicaments that I do. I'm a hopeless romantic. That might seem strange coming from a male but I don't care, it's just me. The funny thing about that is that I try to so hard to suppress those feelings because I know what they lead to. Case in point, I'm writing this blog. I'm awkward, point blank period. There's no way around it. When I'm around someone I have feelings for (until things settle in a bit) I often become shy, dry-mouthed, and at a lost for words, sometimes. This also happens when I'm in a situation where there is no understood...anything. It's hard when you start off with someone not as friends, but as "talking" because when stuff hits the fan everything usually goes downhill because you were never anything to begin with. I'm actually an alpha male who is confident (often times to the point of arrogance, I'll admit it. But humble nonetheless) about myself and what I want out of life. That does not mean that I'm immune from love and the sour taste it often leaves in the mouth of those that taste it's ever abundant fruit. Antonio you are a basket case. As people we often say "I'm independent, I don't need anyone," but this is a visage (not visade as usually pronounced) that we use in order to hide our true feelings. A mask if you will. I wear the same mask. But my situation as a filmmaker helps me to wear this mask. Being with someone makes you obligated to places. I don't want to be held back. Because of this, I'm able to distance myself from people because I know what consequences befall those that fall into that trap. See how I rationalize my actions. This is one of those things that I might never get a grip on, but who cares, right? Does it matter that you don't fall in love if people know your name? Is being alone a necessary sacrifice for greatness? Is the love of another, a true intimate love, a necessity to live a full life? Je ne sais pas...

This is just my release. Writing is how I deal with those feelings. This is my suppression. By writing about it I'm able to overtake those feelings and begin anew the journey of love (although, in reality, I don't really think that I want to be in love, I just want a woman to talk to). Let me take the time out to apologize to every woman that I've ever done wrong to. I'm truly sorry. I'm not saying that I won't mess up in the future, but for the time being, it is with a clear conscious that I say that I am truly sorry, I know I've made my mistakes and I accept that. I love you all. Each and every one of you have taught me something and have helped mold me into who I am becoming. I wish you all the best life has to offer.

Don't strive to live in the moment, strive to live in history,

Antonio

God and Society

Hey peeps. Hope all is well within your realm of living (or existing). I was watching a video on Youtube earlier today (My Life by The Game ft. Lil' Wayne) and the images in the video really struck a chord in me. In particular, the image of the Angel tombstone in the scenes where Game and Wayne are at the cemetery. I'm not going to do a summary of the video, but I'll post it at the end of this note for those that would like to have a visual reference point to go on. To be honest, I'm not 100% positive where I'm going with this, but I ask that you all please keep an open mind and a willingness to understand my thought process. Walk with me.

God and Society. The two seem to coexist right? After all, in essence, God is society. Without Him, there is no society because society is made up of the individual and the individual is God manifested in flesh and blood. But why...why has society been operating without the God which created it. I say this because we as humans have done what we are prone to do; taken God and molded him to fit our own personal situations. The depiction of the Angel in the cemetery is one telling sign of this. Folks, it is imperative that you remember that the earth, in its' current state, is not God's kingdom. Yes, America, "In God We Trust," but this is not His kingdom. It belongs to Satan.

"But woe to you, O earth and sea, for the devil has come down to you in great wrath, because he knows that his time is short!" (Revelation 12:12 RSV)

"And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the likeness of God." (2 Corinthians 4:3-4 RSV)

I've included these two scriptures as points of reference to help you better understand what I'm saying. Read your Bible for further information. What I'm saying is that in the video "My Life" the hate, death, and life of turmoil they experience has not been brought upon them and their people by God, but themselves. Lil Wayne's line "Dear Lord you done took so many of my people, I'm just wondering why you haven't taken my life," is false. False because he's not asking the right god that question. God has not taken anyone away through crime. They've cut themselves off. The wages of sin is death, period. Everything has a consequence. It's the natural order of things. You can't do wrong and hope to receive good. The reason I'm approaching this issue is because I operate within the realm of media and I fully understand the influence it has on its' consumers. People in ghettos, slums, projects, and neighborhoods everywhere that have heard this song has probably uttered the same words "Dear Lord you done took so many of my people, I'm just wondering why you haven't taken my life." They have become jaded into thinking that God is the source of their problems. God is not death, but He understands, as should you, that death is necessary to return to Him. But His gift to you through death is eternal life, but what He does not want for you to do is struggle while living on earth (which in all respects is a veritable hell). Problem is, we have gotten so caught up in the "struggle" and hustling and our neverending pursuit for the dollar that we have forgotten the scriptures:

"Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: For they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

"And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin. And yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to-day is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: For the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Matthew 6:24-34

We've forgotten that Jesus spoke in parables or stories so we could relate to what he was saying. He saw the troubles we would experience before we knew earth and answered our questions before we thought of them. But, we have allowed popular culture to tell us what we want and what we should have in order to coexist with the rest of society. We have become a consumer people and when we can't have what we want we blame God. But when we get what we want, we thank Satan. "Is not the body more than raiment?" When you leave this earth what will be your legacy? I read on Brittany Ashley's blog (who, may I add, is an up and coming writer to be reckoned with) the words, "Do not let the universe regret you." Enough said.

God and what He represents is no longer apart of this world. God and Society, for now, are two separate entities. The people are to blame. Society is made up of the individual. The individual shapes society. The society decides the media. The media tells the consumer...you get the picture. It's a never ending cycle. To bring my argument back to center, the images in the video "My Life" though rather powerful, are false in the context in which they are used and because of this, they are falsely shaping the minds of the youth and adults alike. It'd be good to learn to decipher images for yourselves. It helps one determine what is being falsely represented and it helps one educate those around them about the falsehoods. This could lead people to stop falsely blaming and claiming God.

To everyone who walked with me, thanks. Take my message in stride and learn from it, that's all I ask. If you would like to respond in a note of your own, I encourage it. Tag me please. I think this is an important issue that I'll be dealing with in upcoming films and articles in the present and future.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mFQdXFfnb0&feature=channel_page

Don't strive to live in the moment, strive to live in history,
Antonio

"Let the Right One In"

Hello again passengers, hope the journey has been smooth sailing or, in this case, railing, thus far. I watched Tomas Alfredson's "Let the Right One In," based on the novel by John Ajvide Lindqvist. First and foremost, it is an amazing film. Alfredson does an excellent job in singling out the love story between Oskar (Kare Hedebrant) and Eli (Line Leandersson). The film took an intimate look at the relationship of a pre-teen male and a pre-teen vampire female. The relationship developed by the two is one of caring, intimacy, and murder. Alfred chose this relationship as the main focus for the film. One should read the book to get the full description of some holes that the film left unfilled. Cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema and director Tomas Alfredson do an excellent job in selecting the color palette for the film. I have no idea what 1982 Sweden looks like, but by the looks of the film, it's a damn beautiful place. Upon reading an interview with the director I learned that both he and the Hoytema studied art and eventually selected their color palette from a painting by Rafael from "The Sistine Chapel". Their choice of a frozen blue captures the spirit of the film and brings out the feeling of being alone and isolated in an area where the sun doesn't shine, but winks every now and then. Alfredson also limits the amount of dialogue and overall sound in the film to a minimum. When asked why, Alfredson stated, "If you have a wide shot over a city and you just hear a bird, your eyes will immediately scan over the frame to find the bird. Maybe the bird is coming in the next scene; a close-up of a bird in a cage. You can work with silence to bring certain things across. If you fill the entire soundscape with effects, atmosphere and music, you can hide yourself as a filmmaker. But if you put up just one voice, one bird, or any one thing, you are being brave because you are saying something. You are sort of making an argument." Alfredson speaks about horror as a dialogue, as opposed to a monolugue, with the audience. The audience must be active participants within the film. The way to do this is through suggestion and ambiguity. The film definitely has moments where the audience is left to ponder "What the hell just happened." As a film, "Let the Right One In" works on so many levels. I hesitate in calling this film a genre film, because I'm not all too positive that this is true, but it is definitely a classic with staying power.

The Horror Genre

One thing I really love about the Horror Genre is, above all, its' ability to tell the truth behind the human experience. Horror is an exceptable realm where its' viewers understand that 1) they're about to see some wild shit and 2) it's no more exaggerated than the realities we face in everyday life. I plan on making horror films based on my own experiences on this earth as well as things I've witnessed. Some of my influences both old and new are George A. Romero, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, and, quickly coming up through the ranks, Dario Argento. I plan on checking out a slew of Argento films within the next couple of months. I'll post a few film reviews about the films I watch. Check out some of the interviews from a few of the Masters of Horrors themselves.

Mos Def...need I say more???

Dope Biggie Smalls Song From Demo Tape(6)

Really Dope Najubes Mash-Up

I Hate and Renounce as a Coward

I just finished reading this rant by Michael P. Dipaolo and knew I had to post it on my blog. This is for all of you whom are either jaded, untruthful, or down right cowardly in your quest to reveal film as truth.

1.) I hate and renounce as a coward anyone who thinks they can cast a TV star and still be independent. 2.) I hate and renounce as cowards all those poseurs attempting to pass off their craftily conceived conformity as cutting edge. 3.) I hate and renounce as a coward every director who wastes film stock shooting a radio play disguised as a movie. 4.) I hate and renounce as a coward the next producer who tries to pass off another drab, middle class generation X model as white trash. 5.) I hate and renounce as a coward all those lazy bastards who use the lyrics of a song to set the emotional tone of a scene or name their film after some 60's pop tune. 6.) I hate and renounce as a coward those who have destroyed glamour in the name of some silly simplistic notion of realism. 7.) I hate and renounce as a coward any filmgoer who sits through a universally praised film they think is a piece of shit and doesn't stand up and scream at the screen. 8.) I hate and renounce as a coward any creative artist who chooses a difficult subject and punks out in their execution. 9.) I hate and renounce as a coward any filmmaker who hasn't taken the time to learn their craft. 10.) I hate and renounce as a coward those who would convince me that the "American Independent Film" has become anything but a greedy, cynical attempt to shove the European Art Film off American screens. 11.) I hate and renounce as a coward any editor who allows themselves to be persuaded by any being (whether living or dead ) to cut back and forth on every line of dialogue, as if Dragnet wasn't bad enough. 12.) I hate and renounce as a coward any filmmaker whose every character doesn't reveal some aspect of their soul. 13.) I hate and renounce as a coward any filmmaker who isn't' constantly struggling against the reality of their being paid to perpetuate the lies we live by. 14.) I hate and renounce as a coward those artists who have made "updated" film noirs that would more at home in a Vogue spread on Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. 15.) I hate and renounce as cowards all those countless film festival organizers whose sole goal is to make money. 16.) I hate and renounce as a coward every movie critic who has allowed themselves to become nothing but a high paid movie studio flunky. 17.) I hate and renounce as a coward all those cretins who believe that film history begins in the 60's, 50's, 40's, 30's or 20's... 18.) I hate and renounce as a coward any moron who makes or believes in 10 Best Lists, let alone 100 Best Lists. 19.) I hate and renounce as a coward the next discovery who passes of their credit card financed, dull as dishwater, coming of age "epic" as anything but a drab piece of shit. 20.) I hate and renounce as a coward those idiots who attempt to pass off their lack of style as somehow being more "honest." 21.) I hate and renounce as a coward those marketing geniuses who tell me that they have to know how to sell a movie before they make it. 22.) I hate and renounce as a coward writers who pass off their bland, pathetic, politically correct whining as insightful social criticism. 23.) I hate and renounce as a coward anyone who recycles old movies as a substitute for personal experience. 24.) I hate and renounce as a cowards the vast industry that's sprouted up to assist technically inept, spiritually bankrupt, morally corrupt, culturally deprived individuals make their "personal vision." 25.) I hate and renounce as a coward any brain-washed cretin who thinks scripts are anything but an invention of producers to control the creative process. 26.) I hate and renounce as a coward anyone who doesn't believe that the camera and microphone are the only true writing instruments of a film. 27.) I hate and renounce as a coward any director of photography who lights a scene that looks like a battle between three different schools of painting. 28.) I hate and renounce as a coward anyone who makes another irredeemably terrible movie from one of Jim Thompson's darkly, sublime books. 29.) I hate and renounce as a coward the very next "indie" filmmaker who recounts how they financed their film with credit cards, luring countless suckers to subsidize some conglomerate's independent film division's development fund. 30.) I hate and renounce as a coward anyone, whatsoever, who appears in TV commercials for independent film with some stupid, curly-headed little witch. 31.) I hate and renounce as a coward all those simplistic, moronic, critics who contribute to the creation of a simplistic, moronic audience. 32.) I hate and renounce as cowards all those who know the truth of the above, but profitably continue to remain silent.

-Michael P. Dipaolo

Full Frame Documentary Film Festival Pt. 2 (Say My Name)

"Say My Name" is another one of my personal favorites from the festival. The film spoke volumes about the state of women (femcees) in hip hop. It featured interviews with prominent females in hip hop that include Remy Martin, MC Lyte, Rah Digga, Erykah Badu, and newcomer Estelle whose hit single "American Boy" with Kanye West blazed (is blazing) the radio, charts, and college parties. It also included lesser known, but nonetheless important, female femcees that included Sparky D, Roxanne Shante, Jean Grae, Choc Thai, Invincible and Miz Korona. The femcees came from all walks of life from the Bronx to Detroit to Atlanta to London. One of the more powerful comments of the documentary was a comment stated by Rah Digga. She stated that the names of female emcees are usually much larger than the money they actually bring in. This struck me on many levels. I never thought of the fact that I do know of Remy Martin, Rah Digga, and others but have never actually purchased one of their cd's (with the exclusion of Erykah Badu). This alone harms the market for femcees. As proven in the entertainment market, if it's not selling, record labels are not willing to put their money behind the project. What I particularly loved about the doc was the truth behind the lyrics of the rappers. They strive to stay true to their situation just as a male rapper would do. They want to destroy the image of the oversexualized female in hip hop. An image that often works against the establishment of the more lyrically talented artists. Remy Martin was one, if not the only, female that did not wish to tarnish the image of the oversexualized image of women. She said that she's not willing to knock how another woman makes her money. If that means shaking her ass in a video then, so be it. But, in contrast, the doc was not engulfed in contraversy. It moreso sought to give recognition to the otherwise ghost femcees that inhabit the world of rap. Nirit Peled, formerly from Israel, is the director of the documentary. I was really impressed by her depiction of the different cities and her ability to not only capture the essence of the cities, but also to connect the cities. What connected the cities was hip hop. Her musical score composed of the raps of the femcees and outside sources really made the documentary that much more potent. The lyrics of the femcees are that of their struggle, pain, dreams, fears, hope, and love. Hip hop knows no gender and in a predominantly male dominated realm femcees are definitely gearing up for a takeover.

Full Frame Documentary Film Festival Pt.1 (Hoop Dreams)

So, I went to the Full Frame Documentary Film Festival in Durham, North Carolina this weekend. What impressed me the most was the amount of African-American based documentaries in the fest. The four I watched on Saturday were, "Hoop Dreams", "In Motion: Amiri Baraka", "The Fallen Champ", and "Say My Name". Today I watched "William Kunstler: Disturbing the Universe". Each film I watched had either a Q & A with the director, subject matter or a combination of the two. Some Q & A's were better than others, but, overall, the filmmakers did an excellent job in not only the production but the presentation of their documentaries. My favorite of the four documentaries is between "Hoop Dreams" and "Say My Name." Hoop Dreams is about 2 inner city youth growing up in Chicago, Illinois chasing the dream of one day playing in the NBA like an idol of theirs (Isiah Thomas) who, consequently, went to the same High School as Gates and Agee (formerly). William Gates (who was in attendence for the Q & A) and Arthur Agee Jr. are the subject matter for the film. I particularly enjoyed the way the film captured the reality of growing up as a black youth in Chicago in the late 80's and early 90's. The rawness of the film spoke volumes about the real life struggles faced by black families trying to support the decisions of their childrens dreams and dealing with real-life hardships in their everyday lives. The Agee family in particular went through numerous trying times. His father was a recovering drug addict who left the family on occasion to fend for themselves. As in the case for most black families, Arthur's mother proved to be the glue that held the family together. Arthur himself dealt with being kicked out of St. Joseph High School (Isiah Thomas' alma mater) where he attended with Gates. Agee faces the difficult struggle of making a jump from one high school to another in the middle of the school year and increasing his level of play on the court to secure a starting position on the varsity basketball team. Gates faced personal struggles of living up to his brothers basketball standards as he was a stand-out athlete in high school as well. Chronic knee problems proved to be the achilles heel that mentally forced Gates out of the free spirited playing style he had developed playing basketball his entire life. Along with beautiful cinematography, the film contained a jazz score that captured the essence and very life of Chicago during that time with a sense of hope for those with the chops big enough to escape its' grasp. Director Steve James, in his masterpiece, truly allowed the story to formulate and thus marinate into the minds and hearts of the audience and because of this he truly has made a timeless work of art.