Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I Hate and Renounce as a Coward

I just finished reading this rant by Michael P. Dipaolo and knew I had to post it on my blog. This is for all of you whom are either jaded, untruthful, or down right cowardly in your quest to reveal film as truth.

1.) I hate and renounce as a coward anyone who thinks they can cast a TV star and still be independent. 2.) I hate and renounce as cowards all those poseurs attempting to pass off their craftily conceived conformity as cutting edge. 3.) I hate and renounce as a coward every director who wastes film stock shooting a radio play disguised as a movie. 4.) I hate and renounce as a coward the next producer who tries to pass off another drab, middle class generation X model as white trash. 5.) I hate and renounce as a coward all those lazy bastards who use the lyrics of a song to set the emotional tone of a scene or name their film after some 60's pop tune. 6.) I hate and renounce as a coward those who have destroyed glamour in the name of some silly simplistic notion of realism. 7.) I hate and renounce as a coward any filmgoer who sits through a universally praised film they think is a piece of shit and doesn't stand up and scream at the screen. 8.) I hate and renounce as a coward any creative artist who chooses a difficult subject and punks out in their execution. 9.) I hate and renounce as a coward any filmmaker who hasn't taken the time to learn their craft. 10.) I hate and renounce as a coward those who would convince me that the "American Independent Film" has become anything but a greedy, cynical attempt to shove the European Art Film off American screens. 11.) I hate and renounce as a coward any editor who allows themselves to be persuaded by any being (whether living or dead ) to cut back and forth on every line of dialogue, as if Dragnet wasn't bad enough. 12.) I hate and renounce as a coward any filmmaker whose every character doesn't reveal some aspect of their soul. 13.) I hate and renounce as a coward any filmmaker who isn't' constantly struggling against the reality of their being paid to perpetuate the lies we live by. 14.) I hate and renounce as a coward those artists who have made "updated" film noirs that would more at home in a Vogue spread on Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. 15.) I hate and renounce as cowards all those countless film festival organizers whose sole goal is to make money. 16.) I hate and renounce as a coward every movie critic who has allowed themselves to become nothing but a high paid movie studio flunky. 17.) I hate and renounce as a coward all those cretins who believe that film history begins in the 60's, 50's, 40's, 30's or 20's... 18.) I hate and renounce as a coward any moron who makes or believes in 10 Best Lists, let alone 100 Best Lists. 19.) I hate and renounce as a coward the next discovery who passes of their credit card financed, dull as dishwater, coming of age "epic" as anything but a drab piece of shit. 20.) I hate and renounce as a coward those idiots who attempt to pass off their lack of style as somehow being more "honest." 21.) I hate and renounce as a coward those marketing geniuses who tell me that they have to know how to sell a movie before they make it. 22.) I hate and renounce as a coward writers who pass off their bland, pathetic, politically correct whining as insightful social criticism. 23.) I hate and renounce as a coward anyone who recycles old movies as a substitute for personal experience. 24.) I hate and renounce as a cowards the vast industry that's sprouted up to assist technically inept, spiritually bankrupt, morally corrupt, culturally deprived individuals make their "personal vision." 25.) I hate and renounce as a coward any brain-washed cretin who thinks scripts are anything but an invention of producers to control the creative process. 26.) I hate and renounce as a coward anyone who doesn't believe that the camera and microphone are the only true writing instruments of a film. 27.) I hate and renounce as a coward any director of photography who lights a scene that looks like a battle between three different schools of painting. 28.) I hate and renounce as a coward anyone who makes another irredeemably terrible movie from one of Jim Thompson's darkly, sublime books. 29.) I hate and renounce as a coward the very next "indie" filmmaker who recounts how they financed their film with credit cards, luring countless suckers to subsidize some conglomerate's independent film division's development fund. 30.) I hate and renounce as a coward anyone, whatsoever, who appears in TV commercials for independent film with some stupid, curly-headed little witch. 31.) I hate and renounce as a coward all those simplistic, moronic, critics who contribute to the creation of a simplistic, moronic audience. 32.) I hate and renounce as cowards all those who know the truth of the above, but profitably continue to remain silent.

-Michael P. Dipaolo

1 comment:

Jesse Berger said...

I hate and denounce as a coward anyone who writes long winded rants. J/K NICE RANT!